Friday, 29 May 2015

A Chow- Down

After 5 days living like New Yoikers in Williamsburg we decided to take a long deserved break in our Hampstons Home.

We picked up our Chrysler (poor mans Bentley) or so the woman in Avis told us, cheers love, and headed out of town like the proper New Yorkers we are. It started with Lols as we made Jose try to open a locked boot not knowing we were watching a reverse camera screen in the front in the car.

Like I said. Mega Lolz.
After a 3 hour drive, 2 bags of Cheetos and a jar of liquid cheese, we arrived at my new favourite place. I LOVE the Hamptons. hello home!

Ok OK, so that wasn't our actual pad but ours wasn't pretty shabby either. 

Within about 5 minutes of arrival I'd morphed into Little Edie from grey gardens. Weird Huh?!
For our first night we headed to the Bostwick Chowder house in East Hampton. You know you're in a hot spot when you get handed a flashing lobster to wait in line.  

Jose excited for his chicken wings, we calculated that in his life he's necked about 10,000 , with his teen years in Canada averaging 30 a night. Poor little chick chicks. 

Jamie went for sweet corn chowder.. I mean who does that???! Looks like bananas floating on porridge if you ask me. 

I had the garlic and chilli clams, as a clam lover I was tres excited about this but they were a little on the large side, like when you get a big oyster and it makes you a bit gaggy, well yea like that. 

Then we went for the tuna ceviche wraps. It's become my dish of the moment- raw tuna with avocado and chilli. 

We bought a vat of wine from the local offie and went home to watch  surgery nightmares 'she had a nose like an eggplant' 

Now this is living. 


After a night in NYC at punchdrunk's 'sleep no more' where I got traumatised after a 'nurse' took me by the hand shut me in a room, put me to bed and kissed me. Don't ask, still having nightmares. We woke starving- Jose decided to put on a pre-breakfast show wearing his punchdrunk mask and boxer shorts OBVS. This guy is totes wastes on make-up, seriously.

Look at those calves! Sex on legs.

We headed to EGG for brunch, I've been before and I think it's one of the best breakfasts I've had. Plus they give you CRAYONS so we spent the first half drawing our emotions in emojis. 

Jamie showed his mood by not leaving the lifeless earth coloured crayons #drab. Apaz he was working in his brown period. 

I have NO idea what this mood is? 

The table emojis before and after our masses of food arrived. We ordered EVERYTHING. 

This, my new favourite breakie of all time is toasted brioche with a whole cut out the middle replaced by a runny egg (or sunny side up after some cow American had a go at me for saying runny. You know what I mean FFS) With stewed tomatoes and streaky bacon! Bloody Delish.

A plate of pancakes for the table..

Ham spinach and eggs

The Perfect hash brown! Although Not sure about a round sausage like..

Look how happy we were, except Kate stood on a chair to take this which was BEYOND embarrassing. Get the hell down crazy walking woman.

We left so stuffed, well not all. Jose went up to the waitress and tried to order half a fried chicken until Jamie gestured to the lady. NO! DO NOT SERVE HIM. Now we've ALL been turned down booze before, but food that's a whole new level. Aspirational one might say. 

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

National Rail Fail

A train means one thing. You can eat a picnic regardless of the time of day or whether or not you're hungry/just eaten, because you're on a TRAIN. And a train journey without half of Marks and Spencer's Simply Food just doesn't feel right.

As if it wasn't bad enough heading back to London from thecentreoftheuniverse Richmond (sob!) we didn't have a picnic. Or a packed lunch. So instead we had buy from (dun dun duuuunnn) THE TRAIN BUFFET CAR.

Unless it's a bottle of Coke or red wine, purchasing from this horrendous excuse for a shop just isn't acceptable. But needs must.

So we ordered the only two sandwiches left. A chicken, bacon and mozzarella bagel and a ham and cheese toastie.

 I mean look at that. LOOK AT IT!! It barely constitutes as food. The bread was spongy, the "chicken" was bizarre and the pig products were thinner than Alexa Chungs legs. Complete distaster. 

Obviously we ate the lot. Luckily though, to soften the blow we also purchased some wrapped products. 

By no means are these "corkers" comparable to the Food of The Gods (m&s cheese tasters) but at least they tasted of food. 

National Rail, you need to up your game......and if you're reading this a couple of complimentary first class tickets to Darlo wouldn't go a miss. 

Wednesday, 20 May 2015


When in New York, we went Mexican. Obviously. We headed to the Frida Kahlo exhibition in the Bronx where they'd recreated her garden Casa Azul. This was increds a must see to all frida/plant lovers. These cactus' were INSANE, making my half dead succulents look frankly embarrassing. I mean how often are you supposed to water those fuckers?

We lolled around with plants. Yes we are all thirty plus. Get over it. 

On top of the plants and her paintings, they had a Frida bar. Ohhhh Hellloooohoo now you're talking. Culture and booze. I was made for this shit. 

After a quick margherita we ubered it back to LA Esquina on Kenmare street. This is the same as La bodega Negra and there ar some sort of secret stairs that take you through the kitchens to the restaurant apaz.. After letting ourselves into the staff room trying to find the 'secret' restaurant we got shouted at and told it wasn't open yet. #fail. We managed to get a seat outside and start our epic Mexican feast. Arriba. 

Love the Mexican wrestler 'nachos libra' inspired napkins.

We started with nachos and another margarita. Well there was no point stopping now.  

Followed by mixed fish ceviche with avocado, tomatoes, lime jussive and jalapeño and cocktail de camarones. 

Then the tacos.. tecate beer batter fish, red cabbage, guacamole, chipotle mayo on a flour tortilla And pulled pork, shredded cabbage, habanero, pickled onions, jalapeño.

 It was all bloody Delish. I don't actually love Mexican that much either but this was so fresh, I felt pretty smug after eating. Or maybe that was the 2 pitchers of sangria. #wasted #givemeabreakimonmeholidays. 
Then as if by magic Jose and Jamie just happened to walk by! All in a New York moment. 

Frida Bass 

A Pork BBQ

I am writing this from my bed. I can't move, I must have gained nearly 2 stone now. #sendhelp #meatoverdose #PEA #porkeatersanonymous.

After a bacon bagel for breakfast we went to one of Brooklyns best BBQ's Fette Sau on Metropolitan Avenue. This is a meat eaters dream, veggies don't even bother. 

The knives are actually beer taps, just pull back and buy a gallon of beer. Each. Jose liked his. 

We let the boys order. Error. So instead of any variety we ended up with pork spare ribs, belly pork and burnt end baked beans with pork. 

It was tasty and just what we needed after I dragged everyone to every card shop in Williamsburg (you can NEVER have too many) it was pretty pricey though about $25 a head. We felt a little 'ribbed off' and it didn't quite 'meat' our expectations. Inhaled the lot in about 5 minutes and hit the mean streets of Brooklyn for our next dine. 

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Pies and Thighs

So we're here! Good morning America. Which means meeeeeaaattttttt!!! After what seemed like a super swift flight due to the a couple of wines, hip flask of vodka and the odd 'sleep aids' we landed into a rainy NYC. 

Rocked up to our amazing air B and B. £55 a night y'all and we're ready to eat me and elz have now been #meatfree for 2 weeks now. The longest 2 weeks of my life BTW and we were waiting til entry to the U.S. To break our pact. We asked our air b n b hosts where's best to eat and they recommended 'pies and Thighs' a fried chicken place literally opposite our new pad. Apaz this place normally has yanks queuing round the block, but due to marginal rain, the type that would close down the district line for a week, the gaff was half empty. 

It was a kind of a warehouse style, open air, rough round the edges chicken shop, that also did burgers. Just what the meat doctor ordered. 

Jose 'the consumer' bass ordered a cheese burger with a side of macaroni and a fried chicken breast. Obviously. 

It was finger licking perfection.  Look what a difference a bit of meat makes. #happy #lovemeathateveg #5meatsaday

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

A trip to Scotts

The old man came down for the day so we decided to fish it up in Scotts, which I reckon is the best fish restaurant in London. Next level. For those of you that don't know it's now more well known as Londons top strangulation spot, ask Nigella. Rumour is they were arguing over who got the last prawn. See told you it was good.

Senior Nellist is the Mark Fowler of the North who has a 3am start time at work. As a result of this, boozing at 11am is like an evening nightcap or so he tells me as we hit the pub at opening hours. His favourite pub in audley street where he used to hang out with his hippy mates in his roadie days apaz! #dadasahippy #stillgotamullet

After a swift half, Obvs I mean pint we headed to Scott's on Mount Street. 

As you enter its like the hanging gardens of Babylon. Never been. So you know it's swank. 

Also it's proper old school the kind of place where seventy year old men in full 3 piece tweed suits with extravagant umbrellas dine alone. I'm a little in awe of  the doorman who looked like he resides at Lords. #wishhewasmygrandad

I start with a champagne cocktail 'twinkle' and the bread and butter. Now normally I wouldn't bang on about something so simple. But it's THE best I've had, I don't know what they put in it. I'm tempted to come back and ask for a tap water and bread. I wonder if that's allowed. 

As the menu is pretty much all fish, great for us weekly 'pescatarians' lolz. I am literally spoilt for choice. It is pricey like so save for special occasions or find someone rich with dollar to take you. A 'friend' of mine once went on so that might be a good place to start looking. 

My dad went for 8, yes 8 deep fried oysters with a sweet chilli dip (We all have mega appetites in the nellist clan) these are amazing, even if you're  not an oyster eater you should try.

I went for the seafood cocktail- I think this may be my death row meal. It has king prawn, lobster and crab. Absolute perfection, suppose it should be for £18.

After this I was full as I'd gorged on the bread and butter and previously eaten the pastry off a sausage roll. I forgot I was veggie. But the old man insisted. 'I'm paying' not one to turn down free food I ordered the sole goujons telling myself I just wouldn't eat tea. I did. 

My dad had the lobster Thermidor with a side of aubergine parmigiana.

Soooo good. I reckon I could eat here daily and never get bored. Then I managed to get the old man drunk and bundle him into Celine where he kept haggling the staff for discount. 'How much???' 'Come on you can at least knock us off fifty quid' The staff looked completely bemused, I'm not sure they deal with many fruit sellers. 

I managed to get these dreamy sandals. I have a pair just like it from river island, but whatevs these ones say ceeelliiiinneee.