Dinner with Joan at the Dover Street Arts Club

We are seriously going up in the world. Don't worry, we're not going to change because we're just not like that #saltoftheearth. We're not the kind to be embarrassed to sit together in the Bluefin canteen. Instead we give nary a thought to the fact that word up from certain fashion quarters on the 7th floor is that it's incredibly uncool. Who knew? And more importantly, who gives a shit? Not us anyway - especially when its offset by an invitation to Dover Street Arts Club for dinner with Joan Collins. Yes siree.

I mean, strictly speaking we weren't actually dining at her table or actually with her in any way (she was with Tamara Beckwith. I mean - who knew?), but she was within spitting distance if you had so felt the urge. Obvs we didn't do any such thing. We were far too busy gawping like goldfish to waste any saliva or bring shame on the table by being that uncool. check out the tres chic dining room, this is where us gals belong.

The Nellist and I were invited to this swanksworth do by the lovely Liz from Snow PR on behalf of their client www.owntherunway.com and we had been asked to pre order a starter, main and side. Now it may sound silly, but pre-ordering without knowing the lay of the table is tricky because you're never sure whether to go a) tactical ie. Jode gets one side and I a different one so we can share or b) just go for what you really, truly want despite the possibility the table might end up with 7 creamed spinaches and no dauphinoise. Well that's the gamble you've just got to take.


In reality it was the starters that were put on the table to share. A bit odd as we ended up with about 7 portions of smoked salmon, three prawn cocktails and something else random but this momentary blip was overcome by possibly the best prawn cocktail we had ever tasted (think it had horseradish in it. Delish.) and very tasty salmon too.

Next onto the mains. Again most people got their own mains except those that opted for the king tiger prawns - a group that included myself. They came on a large platter (you get your own plate and cutlery of course - it's not kfc). As it happened this was not a problem as portions were very generous and the prawns actually the most tasty I have ever eaten in my whole life and I have eaten enough shrimp to make Forest Gump's pal Bubba look like an amateur so I am fully qualified to comment. Unfortunately i couldn't tell you what was on them but it definitely involved garlic and something a bit green.

The other thing of note was the creamed spinach. It was basically a purée and utterly, utterly divine as I imagine Joany C would say. Smooth, soft and rich like a freshly Botoxed forehead. Of which we saw a few, that's for sure.

Jodes sampled the razor clam linguine which she also thought was excellent. Lynne sent hers back to get it altered as she had an aversion to the parsley garnish. Well each to their own as they say on Gardeners World.

Next despite everyone being totally full with a few glasses of good red to wash it down (bobby bonus), we decided to share puddings.

I'll be brief as this is turning into a dissertation. We had an apple tart which Nellist loved, a very rich nutty chocolate bar (ie it had nuts in, as opposed to clinically insane), a floating marshmallow thing, some sort of date thing, ice cream and cheese. Nice.

Then we all retired to the bar upstairs where a magician called Maximillian (he said he was italian - I wasn't sure) did some magic tricks. Naturally we were all horribly cynical so he sloped off after visibly recoiling when Jodie tried to put on his top hat. Peril of the job Maxi.

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